I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
