Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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