I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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