when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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