Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish I only lived at night.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
