Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
do nipples grow back?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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