he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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