She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
