I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
