dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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