OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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