real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
