Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
