hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
