and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
