Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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