i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
