i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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