Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
