My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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