I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize