Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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