No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
