He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
