Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
