Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
