my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
