so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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