Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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