Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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