piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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