i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
