you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Watching her eat just hurts me
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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