he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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