my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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