i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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