drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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