my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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