So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
