Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
