he wants to bone in the snuggie
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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