Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
