Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
