I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
