This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
