i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize