Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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