why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
