Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
