I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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