What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize