I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
