im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
