We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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