your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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