I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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