it was like eating out sand paper
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
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ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
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I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
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