is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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