we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
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What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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