Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
