Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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