I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
