She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
