He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
