you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Randomize
