need another drink. this is the easiest way
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
