he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
