i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
