Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
