She's JV to your varsity
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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