spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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