I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
