You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
