Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
