i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
