Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
