And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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